The word no is probably the first word any child
learns. With that word they learn choice. No, they don't
want that toy. No, they don't want that spinach. No, they don't want to
go to bed. The parent uses that word to keep the child safe.
No, you can't run into traffic. No, you can’t play with matches.
No, you can't run with scissors. As much as a person relished saying the
word no as a child, they may find it difficult to say no as an adult.
When we say no, we run the risk of disappointing or hurting
others. They then in turn may reject us or be angry with us. So to
avoid hurting others and being rejected ourselves, we say yes - even to those
things we don't want to do. What actually happens is we give up our
choices, and a little bit of our self-esteem diminishes.
Being able to say no is a choice and actually saying no
improves our health. If we continue to say yes to habits that affect our
health (saying yes to a smoke or a drink) or to roles that no longer fit us (a
parent who continues to take care of adult children), it distracts us from our
own life and from our creativity. Saying no allows us to take a
stand for what is important in our life
There will always be someone to whom saying no is considered
an insult. They will feel that in some way you have rejected
them. You have in fact disappointed them. Remember that when doing
what you need for yourself, it will require disappointing others. But by
saying no to them, you have shown them that in fact they also have the choice
of yes and no and that they can follow their own path to a healthy life.
You can help yourself and others by making a list of
what is important in your life, how you want to spend your time. If you
know where yes is needed in your life, it is easier to say no to others.
Saying no is powerful. It allows us a choice in our lives;
we are able to take a stand for what we truly need. And it keeps us safe,
just as when we were children, from doing something that is harmful to our minds,
bodies or spirits.
© 2019 – Cheryl Fillion
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